What else should I be?

Didn’t think I was going to blog today…

I was just thinking about Nirvana, since I recently wrote playing Nirvana on guitar on the Ave when I was 15. Unplugged in New York is my favorite Nirvana album, which I’m sure I could be attacked for as absolute blasphemy by diehards. But I think it’s fucking beautiful.

And I was thinking how the lyrics to All Apologies look so simple and meaningless written out. I looked up the lyrics and it looked so flat I was disappointed. That’s the chief difference between song and poetry for me. Poetry won’t look flat and empty on the page. Songs, even beautiful brilliant ones, often do. The way Kurt sings them gives them some other meaning, I can’t get out of my head

What else should I be…all apologies

I am constantly apologizing to myself and everyone else for who I am and who I used to be, or more specifically how I am not the person I used to be. I’m not trying to make this Kurt Cobain fangirl lyrics analysis time. I don’t know that this has anything to do with what Kurt meant by the song. I’m saying how it affects me. None of that “reading comprehension” bullshit, which is all left up to chance anyway.

Everything’s my fault

What else should I write? I don’t have the right.

In the sun I feel as one.

All in all is all we are.

I’ve looked up multiple sources that all seem to agree that that’s the lyric. “All in all is all we are.” I always heard it as “All we know is all we are,” which is so deliciously ironic and perfect for me, having grown up with the doctrine pounded into my head that knowledge is everything. That you are only as good as how much you know. I have recently stopped wanting to know so much.

I don’t want to know anymore.

I want to see and experience and think without being told.

I could probably finish this blog with “more on this later,” because it went somewhere I didn’t know it was going to go.

I wish I was like you…easily amused.